I suppose you have turned up here to read Bert’s blog. Well you’re going to be sorely disappointed today. Bert has been a very naughty cat. I am the one he doesn’t trust, and as you read yesterday, him and his pals trashed the place while I was out the other evening. So, to teach him a lesson, I have taken his computer away. Also, he didn’t get any prawns today. You lot are partly to blame for encouraging him! At the moment he is out in the garden sulking on the back wall. If he behaves himself, he might be back tomorrow.
Well, that’s my lot. I can’t hang around here all day. I have a curtain rail to put up. Now, where did I put the hammer. What a life! The one Bert doesn’t trust.
What a night! As we were hoping, “the one I don’t trust” cleared off yesterday evening. Not sure where he went, but I think he met up with some of his pals, or lowlife as I prefer to call them. Anyway, no sooner was he out the door, than my plan for a cultural evening at home with a select few of the local cats swung into action like a well oiled machine. Word was put out on the bush telegraph (I stuck my head out of the flap and mewed loudly), and the guests started to arrive. My poncy brother and my stupid sister were first. I didn’t really want to ask them, but as I let them live here with me, I felt obliged to. They were closely followed by wise Old Black Tom. He is a very clever cat, and knows everything. “Where are Mad Harry and Slasher Sid” I asked. “No idea” he replied.
Not to worry, they soon turned up. A strange aroma preceded them - they had bought a tasty pair of half eaten kippers with them, carefully selected from a neighbours bin. How thoughtful. “You might need some… (Read the rest of this article at the following article source link for the full story)
Hello again. You’ll no doubt be pleased to know that we are still surviving under the somewhat lax regime being presided over by “the one I don’t trust.” News from afar has reached us to confirm the safe arrival of “the pretty one” at her mothers place. He has told her in his regular bulletins that we are all missing her. “My poncy brother” certainly is. Well, he’s missing the extra prawns he manages to scrounge from her with his grovelling and sucking up. His deceitful ways don’t appear to carry much weight with “the one I don’t trust.“
Standards continue to drop. Not ours you understand, but his. He still hasn’t bothered to clean up the kitchen - do you know, I’m sure he thinks the smoke alarm is the timer for the oven! I don’t think he’s bothered shaving for a couple of days now, and as I’ve been scratching a bit more than usual recently, I’m concerned that I may have caught something from him! Us cats are very clean creatures you know, well most of us are. After a good roll in… (Read the rest of this article at the following article source link for the full story)
Good morning one and all. “The pretty one” departed on Friday to visit her mother for two weeks, leaving “the one I don’t trust” in sole charge. We were all on parade to see her off. A guard of honour was duly formed by the front door. “Is that possible with only three of us” you ask? My thoughts entirely, and I wanted to invite a few pals in – Mad Harry, Slasher Sid et al to beef up the numbers. Tabby strongly advised against the idea, thinking it would be more trouble than it was worth. He’s probably right, after all, Harry and Sid do have some rather questionable personal habits. Anyway we stood to attention as she walked out, closely followed by a small team of Sherpas carrying her luggage.
I thought it best that we lull “the one I don’t trust” into a false sense of security during these early days, so I have issued instructions, that all three of us are to be reasonably well behaved. We’ve survived the weekend without any major calamities. You won’t be… (Read the rest of this article at the following article source link for the full story)
A funny thing happened this morning. I was happily dozing on the settee, when there was a loud clattering noise at the front door. I immediately dived under the table - well you can’t be too careful can you? After a while, I ventured forth to investigate and what do you think I saw - the postman - Pat I expect his name is, had delivered a whole load of letters. My first thought was, damn, I’ve missed him again - every morning I keep a look out for the postman, because as we all know, he is accompanied by a little black and white cat called Jess, who I expect is his supervisor. In all the time I’ve been looking out, I’ve never seen the cat. Perhaps he stays in the nice warm van. I would like to meet him, because I’m sure there’s an excellent career opportunity for me, after all I have the necessary qualifications - I’m black and white!
Anyway, I digress - back to the letters. They were not the usual stuff - bills, junk mail etc. Upon closer inspection, they were clearly birthday… (Read the rest of this article at the following article source link for the full story)
Apologies for not reporting back yesterday, but I was still in a state of shock after the recent news. I’m afraid it has been confirmed – I heard the staff talking about the “pretty one’s” visit to see her mother with my own ears. Not that I don’t trust “my poncy brother” you understand, I mean he is as honest as the day is long, I don’t think! After his recent jape regarding our trip to see “the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year,” you can’t be too careful. So she is off at the end of the week, and we are being left in the less than capable hands of “the one I don’t trust.”
“This could work in our favour” said Ginger Tail. “What do you mean by that” I said. “Blackmail” she whispered furtively. Now as you know, we do not usually expect anything sensible to spout forth from the mouth of “my stupid sister.” This should be good I thought, coming from a cat that has spent most of the last two days crashing into things whilst chasing an… (Read the rest of this article at the following article source link for the full story)
When I awoke bright and early this morning I wandered over to the window, and what an inspirational sight greeted me. The early morning sun was just peeping over the hedgerows, and spears of light were glistening on the lightly frosted grass, like twinkling diamonds. The wondrous hues of newly bloomed crocuses, bluebells and snowdrops - blues, yellows, purples and brilliant white against a backdrop of vivid green - a picture to behold. The dawn chorus was in full song, as blue tits, sparrows and robins joyously greeted the new day with a rich melodious cacophony of sound. Mother nature in all her glory. I sat and admired such handiwork and I knew at once what I should take full advantage of the wonderful gifts she has bestowed upon us. Yes, that’s right, I went straight back to bed, stopping only for a light breakfast on the way.Well, what did you think I was going to do? I mean, mornings come round every day nearly, so there’s no need to get carried away is there! After all, I… (Read the rest of this article at the following article source link for the full story)
Hello again. I took the day off yesterday to recover from recent events. By sleeping at full speed, I managed to wake up early this morning feeling greatly invigorated. I thought a bit of fresh air would do me good, and as it appeard to be quite a nice morning, after breakfast, I decided to go for a stroll and catch up with the local gang.I had a look over next door, and sure enough, the nasty little Jack Russell started yapping away as soon as it saw me. I stayed just long enough for it’s owner to come and drag it away. A bit further along the back wall, I came across wise Old Black Tom - he is a very clever and important cat, he told me so himself. “What’s occuring?” I asked. “Not much” he said knowingly. “I’m watching the world go by.” I sat with him for a while. “Where’s it going then” I asked. “Where’s what going?” he said. “The world of course” I replied. He gave me one of his withering looks, so I decided to press on.
In the distance, I could hear a tinkling bell - must be… (Read the rest of this article at the following article source link for the full story)
What a day! What a day! We’ve just got back from our visit to see “the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year.” Thank goodness that’s all over for a little while - a year probably. I had second thoughts this morning, and decided to make a run for it. As the appointment was this afternoon, I thought it best to wait until after lunch - I mean there’s no point in missing out on a meal is there. So I played it very casual by loafing around on the settee. I could see “the one I don’t trust” looking very smug. “I don’t think they know what is going on” he said to “the pretty one.” Just to be on the safe side, I moved closer to the flap.
Just before lunch, he put his coat on and went out of the front door. Excellent I thought, just time for a short nap before I’m off. What a sly and deceitful person he is. Unbeknown to me it was all part of his grand plan. He crept around the side of the house, and blocked the flap from the outside. How underhand can you get - I was trapped. Oh he did… (Read the rest of this article at the following article source link for the full story)
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